SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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