There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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