The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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