I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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