So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
