I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
