There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize