How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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