also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
