i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
