I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
