Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
