We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
