So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
