i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
