i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
