I'm lost and stupid without you.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
