have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
