1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I look better un-naked...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
