Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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