I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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