Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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