I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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