she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
