We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
