so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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