from now on my penis is your penis
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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