hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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