I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
