I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
