yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
me + whiskey = a bad person
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm having to shit out rocks
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