***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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