you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
