just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
