My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
