..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
