my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
