laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
