His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
