Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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