Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
