I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
