we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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