I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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