he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
