my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
