I think my vagina is haunted
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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