i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
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Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I need a burrito and a hug.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
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We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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