I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
