bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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