why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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