know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
