And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
