my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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