dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hello my rib-scented angel!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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