Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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