oh god the rape fog is back!
I think I died a long time ago.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
